Monty Python and the Angel of Music

(an excerpt)

MEG

There are two distinct career tracks: dancers and singers. There is a hierarchy in place! You can't just jump from the bottom of one to the top other on a whim, it's just unheard of!
(suspiciously)

Are you shagging a composer?

 

CHRISTINE

Not at all! My newfound success is the result of my tutor's lessons.

 

MEG

Oh? So who is this new tutor, eh?

 

CHRISTINE

The Angel of Music,
[angels sing]
sent down from Heaven to me by my father; his voice calling to me in my dressing room and signifying by Divine Providence that I, Christine, was to be the next star of the Paris Opera.
[singing stops]
He is my new tutor!

 

MEG

Listen -- strange men talking through mirrors offering singing lessons is no basis for a successful career in opera. Prima Donna status derives from years of hard work and rigorous training, not from some farcical religious experience.

 

CHRISTINE

Be quiet!

 

MEG

You can't expect to be the next Jenny Lind just 'cause some pervy ventriloquist taught you some scales!

 

CHRISTINE

Shut up!

 

MEG

I mean, if I went around sayin' I was gonna be an Empress just because the Opera Ghost told my mum so, they'd put me away!

 

CHRISTINE

Shut up! Will you shut up!

[grabs Meg forcefully by the shoulders]

 

MEG

Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.

 

CHRISTINE

Shut up!

[starts strangling Meg]

 

MEG

Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! HELP! HELP! This ditzy bitch it trying to kill me!

 

CHRISTINE

Bloody ballet rat!

 

The door springs open to reveal MADAME GIRY. If she is alarmed to find Christine throttling her daughter, she does not express it.

 

MEG

Oh, what a give away. Did you here that, Mama? Did you here that, eh? That's what I'm on about -- did you see her repressing me, you saw it didn't you?

 

MADAME GIRY

Meg Giry. Are you a dancer? Then come and practice.

 

MEG

(pouts and stomps out door)

FML

 

R.

 

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